


The Faces of a Stranger

by littlefuzzydude



Series: Perryshmirtz Week 2019 [6]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Face blindness, Flirting, Human Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), M/M, Meet-Cute, Mistaken Identity, Misunderstandings, Secret Identity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-24 07:09:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21095447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlefuzzydude/pseuds/littlefuzzydude
Summary: Heinz literally runs into a handsome teal-haired stranger outside his building.Written for Perryshmirtz Week Day 6: Day Off





	The Faces of a Stranger

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write something exploring the idea that Heinz has prosopagnosia, or face blindness, since he can't seem to recognize Perry outside his normal context. It's not my headcanon or anything, but it was fun to write. Enjoy!

“Welcome to the Caffeination Station, what can I get started for you?”

Heinz squinted at the barista's name tag. ‘Joy’. He wasn't entirely sure if this was the _ same _ Joy who had worked here for months or if this was a _ new _Joy. The old Joy had long brown hair, and this one had short blonde hair. They both had the same bored voice and the same way of moving, but neither had any real distinguishing traits that Heinz could fix in his mind, so he couldn't be entirely sure.

After a moment of deliberation, he ordered his usual: an overly sweet and overly caffeinated concoction the cafe called the Mocha Bomb and which Heinz called (to himself) the Mocha-inator.

Maybe he could make a machine called the Mocha-inator to flood the city with scalding, overly sweet, and overly caffeinated liquid. That was a good idea.

Joy took his money and gave him his change in an almost mechanical way. “Have a nice day,” she said in the same bored tone.

Heinz quickly jotted ‘Mocha-inator flood’ in his idea notebook as he waited for his drink, still trying to figure out if this Joy and the old Joy were the same person. In the end, he decided it didn't matter, as long as he got his coffee.

As soon as he had his coffee in hand, he left the shop. Heinz always felt a little _ uncomfortable _ when he couldn’t tell if he recognized someone. Not that he cared, because he didn’t, but it could get kind of _ awkward _.

He rushed down the sidewalk, suddenly in a hurry to get back to his workshop and work on something. It was his maybe sort-of day off, he never schemed on Wednesdays and eventually Perry the Platypus had stopped showing up to thwart him then, but he had an idea and caffeine and a need to be somewhere comfortable.

Heinz was so focused on making it back to the tower that he didn’t see the other man until he walked right into him.

The Mocha-inator exploded from the collision, sending incredibly hot, overly sweet, and overly caffeinated liquid everywhere. Maybe it _ was _more apt to call it a Mocha Bomb, though most of his -inators did end up exploding one way or another.

Heinz jumped back, dropping his now-crumpled cup. The man he ran into stood there, blinking, equally as covered in the rapidly-cooling brown liquid as Heinz.

“I’m so sorry!” Heinz blurted out, hands suddenly a flurry of motion as he attempted to find something he could offer to the other man to wipe off the coffee. He came back empty. His lab coat was soaked, and he didn’t have anything else that could feasibly be used to help dry anyone off.

The man wiped off his face with his hand. He had tanned skin, a short compact frame, and bright teal hair. Hair that looked a lot like Perry the Platypus’ hair, except with no fedora. So it couldn’t be Perry the Platypus, because Perry the Platypus always wore a fedora and this man was not wearing any kind of hat. Unless it had been knocked off. Heinz discretely scanned the ground for a hat but didn’t see anything. Definitely not Perry the Platypus.

Motion caught his eye, and Heinz looked up at the man’s hands. ‘I’m fine,’ he signed. It looked like the man was signing on reflex, like he didn't expect Heinz to understand.

Oh.

“Oh! I’m sorry,” Heinz said, hands automatically signing along. The man blinked. “I didn’t see you.”

‘It's alright,’ the man signed. He smiled. Probably. It was kind of faint, and Heinz had almost as much trouble deciphering the subtleties of facial expressions as he did with recognizing faces, but he was pretty sure the man was smiling. ‘I can hear, you don’t have to sign.’

“Oh! Sorry,” Heinz said, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. He floundered for a moment, but what the hell. It would only be polite to introduce himself.

“I’m Heinz,” he said, signing the name sign he’d decided on years ago when he first taught himself sign language during the two weeks one of his -inators had rendered him deaf and he’d thought he would never be able to hear again. It was [the sign for ‘invent’](https://www.lifeprint.com/asl101/pages-signs/i/invent.htm), only signed with an ‘H’ instead of an open hand so it looked like a salute. Heinz didn’t actually know anyone in the deaf community of Danville to make the name official, so he probably shouldn’t be using it, but he honestly hadn’t expected to ever actually use it anyway.

The man blinked and squinted a little. His expression changed and Heinz couldn’t decipher it. For a moment, he wondered if he had done something wrong, but then the man raised his hands and repeated the sign.

‘Heinz,’ he signed, then smiled. It was definitely a smile, even Heinz could identify it as such. ‘I’m Steven.’ He fingerspelled the name, then did the first part of [the sign for ‘ordinary’](https://www.handspeak.com/word/search/index.php?id=3672) with an ‘S’ substituted for the more relaxed fist of the actual sign, brushing his closed hand twice along the underside of his jaw. His sign name. There must be some story there. Heinz couldn't think of another reason for a sign name to contain the word ‘ordinary’.

“Nice to meet you, Steven,” Heinz said. He held out his hand, and Steven shook it with a faintly sticky hand. Right, the Mocha-inator.

“Do you want to get cleaned up? My place is just right here, you could come up if you want.” Heinz gestured at the DEI building that they had conveniently collided in front of. He knew it _ might _ be a little weird to invite a stranger into his home, but really he was only trying to be polite.

Steven looked at him, a really intense look, and Heinz abruptly realized what it sounded like.

“Just to clean up!” he yelped, arms flailing in his sincerity. “I'm not trying to come on to you, although you are a very _ attractive _ man, don't get me wrong, but that's beside the point. I just thought that we're all sticky and it's starting to get chilly and you might want to get out of those wet clothes, but _ not like that!” _

Steven made a soft chuffing noise, and it took Heinz a moment to realize he was laughing. It was a nice sound. He waved his hand to get Heinz's attention and signed, ‘Sounds nice. Thanks.’

Heinz smiled, trying to calm down. He wasn't sure why he was so flustered about this. He should be used to one thing going wrong after another, but maybe it was because Steven seemed really understanding about Heinz's… everything, really.

He talked absently as he led Steven into the building and up the elevator. The other man seemed to be listening intently, though he didn't seem inclined to contribute to the conversations. Which was fine, Heinz was very used to talking to handsome teal-haired men who didn't respond. He watched the way the man moved. Steven walked with purpose and grace, much like Perry the Platypus but without the extra oomph of unstoppable dynamic fury.

Heinz's words dried up when they entered his apartment. The living space wasn't too messy, but he hadn't cleaned in a while since most of his schemes happened in his workshop. Vanessa wasn't staying until the weekend, so he hadn't been expecting anyone except maybe Perry the Platypus. It was a little embarrassing, but Steven didn't look like he minded.

“So, the bathroom is that way,” Heinz said, pointing down the hall. “I can wash your clothes if you'd like, I think I might have something that would fit you.”

Steven nodded and moved towards the bathroom. Heinz watched for a moment to make sure he found the right room, then hurried off to a chest where he kept materials from rejected traps. Steven seemed to have the same build as Perry the Platypus, and Heinz just happened to have a pair of pajamas that he'd intended to trap Perry the Platypus in before scrapping that entire plan. They should fit the other man.

He walked over to the bathroom, pajamas in hand, and knocked on the door. “I'll leave these out here.”

A soft noise came from within the bathroom, and Heinz took that as acknowledgment. He put the pajamas on the ground where they wouldn't get knocked by the door, then went down the hall a few rooms to his own room to change.

Soon, he was in a clean version of the exact same outfit he'd been wearing previously. When he'd first arrived in America, he experimented with his clothing, finally away from the restrictions of Drusselstein and his mother. It was all new and exciting, but nothing he'd tried ever felt _ right _ until he found this outfit, these simple gray slacks and black turtleneck and lab coat. He looked like _ himself _ in this outfit, and he'd promptly bought ten of each and replaced his entire wardrobe.

Heinz exited his room, bundle of sticky clothes in one hand. Steven was standing in the main room, and Heinz about jumped out of his skin. Dressed in pajamas intended for Perry the Platypus and standing in the middle of Heinz's living space, Steven looked so much like Perry the Platypus that Heinz had to double check that he didn't have a fedora.

No fedora, and since Heinz knew that he had invited him up, this had to be Steven. The other man was holding his dirty clothes, and Heinz rushed over.

“Here, I’ll take those,” he said. Heinz grabbed the bundle from Steven’s arms, leaving the other man looking a bit stunned. “I built my washer and dryer myself, so they work much faster than _ normal _ ones.”

Steven seemed incredulous. At least the man’s emotions were broadcasted in his posture, because otherwise Heinz would have no idea what the man was feeling and therefore no idea if he’d screwed something up again. Right now, though, Steven just seemed to not believe that he’d actually built the washer and dryer. Which, okay, he didn’t _ exactly _ build them, more like he heavily upgraded the ones that the place came with to the point that there was barely anything left of the old machines.

“Yes, I built them. I build things. Didn’t my sign name give that away?” he said, shifting the laundry to one arm so that he could repeat the sign.

Steven huffed. ‘Not everyone’s sign name is so literal.’

Heinz flushed and turned away. He hurried over to the closet where the washer and dryer lived and threw the clothes into the machine, trying to hide his blush. He still didn’t know why he was so flustered.

His face had cooled down by the time he set the washer. Really, why had he made the controls so complicated? He couldn’t even remember what _ that _button did. Heinz stared at the button for a long moment, filled with the compulsion to press it. But knowing how he usually built, that was probably the self-destruct button or the dedicated trap-the-person-who-pushes-this-button button, so with some difficulty he pulled himself away from the washer.

Steven was standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, trying to look busy studying the art on the wall. Heinz cleared his throat, and the other man turned to look at him.

“Do you want something to drink or something?” Heinz asked, feeling a little awkward. “I mean, I need to make some coffee for myself, I kind of spilled my last one all over you and I need the caffeine, so you can have some if you want, or I have tea or water or something?” After a beat, he added, “Sorry about the whole spilling-my-coffee-on-you thing. I promise I’ll try not to do that again.”

Steven huffed out a breath, chuffing out another laugh. ‘It’s all good. I’ll have some tea, if that’s okay.’

“Of course!” Heinz rushed into the kitchen and busied himself with preparing the coffee and boiling some water. He heard Steven follow him, and he waved his hand vaguely at the table. “Go ahead and have a seat.”

The chair scraped against the floor as Steven pulled it out. Surprisingly, it didn’t groan when he sat down like those old wood chairs were wont to do. They groaned when Heinz sat in them, anyway, and Vanessa always complained about how they sounded like they’re dying. He should probably get new chairs, but they matched the kitchen table and the set was the first furniture he bought himself after he moved to America, so he didn’t actually want to replace them. Unless they would be better served as part of a scheme than as dining chairs. Now that was a thought.

Regardless of any possible schemes, it was a little strange that the chair didn’t complain when Steven sat in it. Maybe it was because the other man was short, and so had a lower center of gravity. That sounded right.

He set the coffee to brew just as the water boiled for Steven’s tea. Heinz wouldn’t own much tea, except Perry the Platypus really liked it so he kept a stash for the occasional social visit or tea party.

Heinz pulled down a few boxes from the cabinet and showed them to Steven. “What do you want?”

Steven immediately indicated the Earl Gray. Heinz put the other boxes back in the cabinet and fished out one of the Earl Gray bags. It happened to be the last tea bag in the box, and Heinz made a mental note to buy more. It was Perry the Platypus’ favorite, and it wouldn’t do to be out.

He quickly fixed the tea, trying to keep himself from blathering on about nothing in particular. Something about Steven make him feel like he could comfortably monologue to him. Maybe it was just that Steven reminded him so strongly of Perry the Platypus.

Heinz passed Steven his mug of tea and turned to the fridge to dig out the creamer. “Cream and sugar?” he asked, then realized he couldn’t see Steven’s hands through the door to the fridge. “Sorry, I asked that at the wrong time, I’ll just get out _ both.” _ Heinz unearthed the bottle of white chocolate raspberry creamer from where it was lodged behind last night's left-overs, then snagged the little carton of cream he kept for when Perry the Platypus came over.

He straightened up as much as he ever did and turned to the table. Steven caught his eye and signed, ‘No sugar, thanks.’

“Oh,” Heinz said eloquently. “Cream is okay, though?” He gestured towards the other man’s tea with the carton.

Steven nodded, before eyeing the bottle of creamer a little dubiously.

Heinz snorted and set both containers down on the table. “I haven’t gotten my overly-sugary drink fix yet today,” he said by way of explanation.

The coffee maker chose that moment to beep, and Heinz turned to get his coffee into a mug before the machine could scald it. He really needed to adjust the heat settings on that thing. Maybe if he added more resistance to the circuit leading to the heating coil… But no, that would just move the heat elsewhere, wouldn’t it, and then he’d have to gut to machine and insulate the wires better… Maybe he should just gut the whole thing anyway, or build a new one from scratch.

Coffee mug in hand, he turned back to the table to see Steven leaning in with his head tilted a little, like he was thinking about something. Heinz went cold.

“I was just talking out loud, wasn’t I?” he asked, not really needing the confirmation of Steven’s nod.

Heinz dropped into the chair in front of him. It groaned out a loud protest which he ignored. “Sorry,” he said. He reached for the creamer, needing something to do with his hands. “I wasn’t trying to _ ignore _ you or anything, I just get preoccupied when I find a project, and then…” He trailed off.

Motion in his peripheral vision made Heinz look back up at Steven. The other man was shaking his head.

‘It’s fine!’ Steven signed, a slight edge of desperation to the motions. ‘You’re cute when you’re passionate.’

Steven’s hands froze in midair, and he looked down at them like they’d betrayed him as a bright red flush spread across his face.

Heinz blinked. Had he… had he seen that sign right? It couldn’t be. Could it?

“You think…” Heinz licked his lips, unsure what to ask. “What did you say?” His voice cracked embarrassingly.

If anything, Steven’s face became more red. ‘I said you’re cute when you’re passionate,’ he signed quickly, as though blurting it out.

“Oh,” Heinz said again. He felt like he’d been saying that word a lot today. “Well, I mean, you’re, uh, notsobadyourself,” he squeaked out. He could feel his face becoming as red as Steven’s.

Steven looked down at his mug, but some slight tension in his shoulders released so Heinz was fairly sure that the man wasn’t angry. Heinz, too, turned his attention back to his coffee. It was still disgustingly black, and to remedy that he dumped in as much creamer as his mug could hold before taking a long sip.

The silence was starting to become _ awkward _ and Heinz scrambled to find a way to fill it. He didn’t want to ramble about work to this guy who he barely knew, which struck a lot of topics off his mental conversation list. Maybe he could talk about an invention? One that wasn’t related to being an evil scientist. Or maybe...

“So one time I got lost in the Alps,” he said abruptly, before he lost his nerve.

Steven raised an eyebrow. ‘What happened?’

So Heinz told the story of the time he spent a month and a half herding sheep in the swiss alps. It wasn’t something he’d ever really talked about before — it didn’t have any trauma or revenge associated with it, so he had no reason to bring it up with Perry the Platypus; it wasn’t evil, so he didn’t think LOVEMUFFIN would really appreciate it; and it involved a lot of implied swearing, so even if Vanessa would listen to a story like this he certainly wouldn’t tell her. It was _ interesting _ to tell a story like this to someone he barely knew, and by _ interesting _ he meant that he was _ interested _ in what Steven thought and Steven seemed _ interested _ in return.

Just as he was wrapping up the climax, a loud beep from across the apartment interrupted what was shaping up to be a _ perfect _ impression of a goat herder on fire. Heinz jumped, breaking character. Were the clothes already done? It seemed like they’d just sat down.

He stood quickly, and Steven watched him. “I’ll go check the dryer,” Heinz said quickly, and he ran to the other end of the apartment. Sure enough, the clothes were clean, dry, and folded on the automatic folding table he installed. He almost wished he’d built his washer to be less efficient, but that would only be useful in this one very specific scenario.

Heinz left his clothes on the table and carried Steven’s back to the kitchen with him. “Here,” he said, setting the folded articles next to Steven’s elbow.

Steven flashed him a wide smile and stood up. ‘Thanks,’ he signed. ‘Mind if I use your bathroom again?’

Heinz motioned in that direction. “Be my guest. I mean, you _ are _ my guest, so I guess it’d be _ make yourself at home, _ but I never really liked that phrase, because it’s _ my _ home, not someone else’s, and—” Heinz cut himself off.

Steven laughed and signed another ‘thank you’ before disappearing into the bathroom.

Turning back to the table, Heinz willed his blush to disappear. He picked up the two mugs to put by the sink, noting that Steven’s mug was completely empty while he still had half his drink left. So much for needing his caffeine and sugar fix. He didn’t feel like drinking the rest, so he poured it down the sink and rinsed both mugs.

A soft chattering noise made him jump several feet into the air. He would have dropped both mugs and shattered them had he not already set them down. Heinz whirled around, expecting Perry the Platypus, who had made that exact noise on occasion, but only seeing Steven. He once again double checked for the fedora, but it was still nowhere to be found. So. Steven made the same kinds of noises as Perry the Platypus. Good to know. Maybe it was a thing that people who couldn’t talk did? It would explain a lot if Perry the Platypus _ also _couldn’t talk.

“You’re leaving, then?” he asked.

Steven nodded. ‘Thanks for inviting me up.’

Heinz’s blush returned. “Well, you know, it was my fault in the first place, and it seemed like the right thing to do, and, uh.” He floundered. “You’re welcome?”

Steven smiled again.

They walked to the door together. Heinz grasped for something to say. He opened the door, and this was his chance, before Steven left forever. “It was nice to meet you,” he said, then nearly hit himself. That’s way too stiff and formal!

‘Good to meet you too,’ Steven signed back.

Heinz nodded. “Uhh,” he said, trying to get his thoughts in order. “So you said I’m cute, and I think you’re very handsome, and tell me if I’m reading this wrong, but would you like to get coffee or something sometime?”

Steven stared at him, his smile fading until his whole expression was unreadable.

“It doesn’t have to be coffee!” Heinz blurted. Hopefully he could at least salvage a friendship, he knew he was too old and too weird to date. “It doesn’t have to be a date, either, sorry I read it wrong, but we could be friends or something? Acquaintances? Pals?” He felt his voice getting frantic there at the end. Way to go, Heinz, you blew it again.

Steven cut off his rambling. ‘I’m pretty busy, but I’d love to go on a date with you sometime.’

Oh. Okay. “Sounds good,” Heinz said, trying to keep steady from the emotional whiplash he’d just subjected himself to. “Let me give you my number.”

He scrawled down the number in what were hopefully intelligible numerals and handed the scrap of paper to Steven.

‘I’ll text you,’ Steven signed.

Heinz smiled. “I’ll be waiting.”

The moment the door closed behind Steven, Heinz started dancing. That should have ended with the door being slammed in his face, but it wasn’t! He scurried off to his computer. He had a date to plan.

**Author's Note:**

> Perry just stands in the hallway staring at the door, wondering how he managed to get a date with his nemesis as his civilian persona.
> 
> I did entirely too much research for this. My main source was [this website](http://www.choisser.com/faceblind/) which is a book written by a man with face blindness about his experiences. I pulled a lot from it, but I did deliberately go against certain things that I thought wouldn't fit, most notably the difficulty in expressing emotion due to not being able to recognize yourself. I figured Heinz would just go over the top with expressing himself, as that's just who he is.
> 
> I started writing this in May, long before the prompts for Perryshmirtz week came out. It was shelved as I worked on other things, but I thought it fit pretty well for this prompt so I decided to finish it. I hope you liked it!
> 
> Title from The Stranger by Billy Joel


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